1st Place Special Recognition Mental Health 11x10
Mixed Media - Acrylic on wood, ceramic, metal, glass
Self Portrait Jen Alcala
An intuitive process painting that I began with pencil marks on Padauk scrap wood. I outlined a head, neck and bust and began painting the surface with Orange Acrylic. I then scraped it off and images emerged so I painted what I saw.
I felt the need for additional texture in my piece so I used a thick layer of crackle paste around the Orange form. I painted the crackle black to create a burnt charcoal look….to create the feeling of Melancholy, depression, anxiety and severe isolation. Feelings, I have often felt/feel as a result of the traumas I have experienced.
I then used an action painting technique in an attempt to capture my feelings, thoughts, and impulses that are held captive in my unconscious mind and are waiting to be let go. I just let go and painted.
I feel the red slashes with white represent the blood, sweat, and tears I have shed and continue to shed as I process the multiple traumas; Military Sexual Trauma (MST), PTSD, Domestic Violence and sexual assault.
I feel the face is obscure because of the guilt and shame I have felt as a result of these life experiences. I often isolate so that I do not have to deal with life. A red 4 also appeared in the painting. The number of times I almost gave up on life due to the repeated trauma.
Due to the impact of the assaults I have experienced severe body dysphoria. I applied the hand thrown Porcelain chest pieces to create the feeling of vulnerability and show how I am constantly working on building power, confidence, and trust.
I chose to include a Teal Ribbon on the lower left side of the piece in order to continue to help bring awareness to Military Sexual Assault.
I feel that expressing myself through art is easier than trying to express myself through words. I feel that expressing myself this way is definitely therapeutic and assists me in sorting out my past. Art makes me happy and I feel that I finally can say I have a purpose again.