Diary Drawing Day 350 , 2001
30.5 x 22.9 cm (h x w)
water color and pencil on hardboard

This one's called 'grief'. And as I gradually got into exploring... this was three years in or something. And I started I mean, I found some really great help along the way. And I just began to realise this early agony and things that had carried me back and my dad was drowned on a family holiday when I was 15. And I just, you know, that all the way through my whole experience as being so called ‘disordered person’ I wept. And that was the most public thing - I wept. One of my friends said, you could have sold my tears as a religious trinket, if you bottle them because I wept so much, because then it was just this expression of anguish. And so a lot of my paintings are of weeping and weeping for the world. And this one, I just love the way it's such an odd shaped figure. I've got very big chin. And I'm really good at caricaturing myself because you just draw my chin, you just got it. And that tiny body is how overwhelmed I was by the scale of my feeling, and my mind full of the grief of everything. This is a teenage girl in the 60s, you just don't, nobody knew how to deal with emotions then. And so art became… and the little rivulets to my eyes and my nose. Yeah, I feel very fond of myself when I look at that and anyone who's grieving and whatever grief means, because it's a lot of overwhelming feelings, essentially. And I always make my eyes green, even though they're not really green. I just would like them to be green. They're sort of dull grey, I suppose.

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