1st Place Humor
Walmart
By
Hugh E. Priddy
It was Saturday, and I was going shopping. My Social Security check comes in on the third of each month, and I always go out to eat, then get groceries at Walmart. I don’t drive as I have lost most of my eyesight. I walk the half mile there and back, pulling my little red wagon.
As I walked into Walmart, two kids were playing with a big dog. It had a leash on, but no one was holding onto it. The dog and kids were having a good time playing while their mother was shopping.
I started walking down the aisle, picking up some vegetables. I got about 20 feet down the next aisle when I had to stop. The aisle was blocked, and I could not get through. While I waited for the traffic jam to clear, that dog ran by with the two kids chasing after it, bumping into people as they passed.
One woman had been pushed into some shelves, turning them over, busting open all the cans and bottles. Stuff poured all over the floor. This made a loud sound, thinking there was a fight someone called 911.
When that woman fell, some of the cans and bottles hit her on the head. I started laughing. All the people that were in the aisle just stood around. No one was helping the lady. I started going over to help her when that damn dog came running back up the aisle.
This time people were moving to get out of the way, hitting both sides of the aisle shelving, cans and bottles of juice going all over the floor.
Someone ended up in my wagon and bent the hell out of it. Now I will have to get a new one. One big man, about 350-400 pounds, fell on two or three bottles of cran-apple juice, forcing the caps off, and sending it all over everything and everyone. We were all on the floor wondering what was going on because it happened so fast.
This did not go good for any of us. Just a few feet down the aisle the stacks of cornmeal, sugar, and flour fell on the floor, mixing with all of that juice. That aisle looked like a tornado swept through it. I did not get to help that poor lady because I was sitting on the floor with the mixture all over me.
By this time, I was pissed off at the dog, the kids, and their mother for not taking care of them. We were all covered with everything. As I was trying to get up the dog ran into the aisle again. This time with the store manager and the two kids following behind. That dog was sliding down and hitting people who were trying to get themselves up, none doing a good job of it. They were all knocked down again.
With everything on the floor, the store manager was struggling to stand up, when the kids ran around so fast that they could not stop. They ran into him, and he fell face down with one kid riding on his back while sliding on the floor. When I think of it now, it was very funny. Even though I was angry, I had to start laughing. Some of the other people were laughing now also.
The cops showed up, wanting to know where the fight was, with the fire department right behind them. They were told it was in aisle 3. With us down on the floor covered with a juice, sugar, cornmeal, and flour concoction, all hell broke loose again. That dog ran back in the aisle from the other end. By this time, I was so mad and laughing so hard that someone said, “Shut up. It’s not funny.” I could not stop. I had my good clothes on, and all this crap was all over my hair and clothes.
I sat there a short time. When I was finally able to get on my knees and help other people up, that dog came back in the aisle and stopped. One of the cops was finally able to get ahold of the leash and contain him before he ran back down the aisle. No one could move because it was like a sheet of ice, and we were trying to get up and could not. Therefore, we started crawling out, when eventually the cops and fire department were able to get to the aisle to help us.
The dog that was once brown was now brown, white, blue, and full of life. When the first responders saw this, all they could do was start laughing. They laughed so hard that they had to sit down on the floor. I could have killed them at this point. The kids we never saw again.
The next day my kids called and told me to look at the news on the television. There we all were for everyone to see, with the mess all over us, and the dog wagging his tail.