WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS

A YEAR LONG DAILY VISUAL JOURNEY EXPLORING MY EXPERIENCES WITH BPD.

Back in 2021, after years facing numerous mental health challenges, I decided it was time to seek professional help. I underwent a mental health assessment, and the psychiatrist diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder. Finally, I had a label, a title, that seemed initially to make sense. Like many people I just desperately needed something to explain everything that I was experiencing.

However, as time passed, doubts emerged. While medication provided some relief, the whirlwind of emotions persisted. Eventually, after a long wait for a second opinion, I learned that I actually had Borderline Personality Disorder, often mistaken for Bipolar Disorder due to similar symptoms but a key difference from what I have learnt is that Bipolar Disorder manifests with long fluctuations in mood whilst BPD deals with rapid fluctuations of emotion. Getting the right diagnosis takes time and BPD, it seems, is notoriously complex and easy to misdiagnose.

Since the assessment, I've been on a journey of discovery, researching more and broadening my knowledge thanks to people like Dr. Marsha M. Linehan who created the now go-to therapy for BPD, Dialectical Behavioural Therapy. If I’m honest the “journey of discovery” has felt somewhat solitary which I appreciate is not unique experience for anyone embarking on self-awareness around their mental health. Unlike Bipolar Disorder, BPD isn't in the mainstream much but it feels like there has been signs of progress. Courageous individuals like Pete Davidson from Saturday Night Live have spoken openly about their experiences with BPD. People are talking about it more. I am so grateful for their inspiration to be open and honest about something so personal.

Mental health discussions are never easy. There's often a cloud of anxiety, shame, and confusion surrounding the topic. Stigma can be a major barrier, something I've personally struggled with as I can be my own worst enemy in that regard. Yet, reaching out and connecting with others has been incredibly beneficial, especially listening to others talk about their various mental health experiences.

So as an artist, I've chosen to express my experiences through a year-long project—a visual diary based on my writing a daily haiku poetry reflecting how I am feeling that is then used as a word prompt for an AI art platform. Haikus offer a simple yet powerful way to capture emotions without the pressure of perfectionism and through the help of AI art, these haikus come to life in dynamic images which I then use as a foundation for my own art pieces.

I'm pleased with the results so far. The project WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS officially launches on May 1st 2024, BPD Awareness Day. However, I've been working on it since the beginning of April 24, offering glimpses of what's to come. Each month, I'll showcase my work in an online exhibition, with hopes of translating some pieces into street murals at Leake Street.

It's about starting conversations, breaking down barriers, and perhaps even finding connection with others on a similar journey. So, let's keep talking about mental health, sharing our stories, and using art to create from the heart.