“Shame is that warm feeling that washes over us, making us feel small, flawed, and never good enough.”
-Brene Brown
My piece reflects on a childhood stolen by the violence of a fundamentalist religious sect, also classified as a cult. Before I go further, I do want to warn you, the observer, that the audio component of this piece is distressing. You may leave if this does not serve you now or at any point. I ask you, however, whether you choose to leave or stay, forget or remember, that you have a choice. I never did.
In a studio discussing identity and liminal space, I felt drawn to sharing the gray I swim in. I feel as though I journey through the world in gray. I once was displaced from the world, in purgatory, and now I exist in it. I have lived a life that has a marked before and after, and now I exist somewhere in between.
I have lived ashamed of a “before” that so deeply contrasts who I am and what I have become. Nevertheless, it is a part of who I am. I have decided to own my space, even when it makes me shake. You might not relate to growing up in a cult, but everyone has a story. This piece is for everyone who has been silenced. This piece is for everyone who, in the absence of autonomy, has wanted to violently rip themselves from their own skin. I see you, and finally, I hear me. I am leaving my shame here; it is just another layer in the echoes of meaningless voices.
